Fradam

For the past few days, I’ve had this song stuck in my head. I’ve been trying to work out why. Something about the beat, something about the chorus line… it just drew me in. Hypnotic.

now i’m looking for a reason why
you even set my world into motion

OK, so the proverbial ‘what is the meaning of life’ question is there, but even that.. I’m not sure is what really pulls me into this song. Everyone goes through stages of questioning their own existence/purpose; so it’d be a little too cheesy for it simply to be that.

It occurs to me that the song only really got stuck in my head on the drive home from Victoria. An awesome road trip it was, and I have many a fond memory of my time there writ in my mind. The weekend was in a somewhat quieter part of Vic; one not crowded by vast quantities of man-made light. Something that really struck me on the first night was that the night is actually.. quite dark.

Dark and beautiful.

I’ve not seen so many stars in my life, and was a sight I wish I was able to capture. I’m almost ashamed to acknowledge just how much of a city slicker I am, having always had my view of the night sky so dominated by unnatural hues. This was different however, the conception of the infinite did not stray far from my thoughts, as for the first time, I could feel the reaches of the universe going far beyond my comprehension. The sky was a lot bigger of a place than I had imagined, and not all the Isaac Asimov books in the world could reveal that truth any better than my eyes had just conveyed. There were just so many stars up there… I’m almost overwhelmed contemplating what could lie beyond them, how they got there, what systems orbit them… I suddenly have a newfound appreciation for star gazing, so surreal an experience this was.

So it was after this whole visual epiphany began to settle inside my psyche (and it gaining a few minutes of airplay on one of the 3 stations till Canberra), did Black and Gold end up in my head. I suspect the probing nature of the lyrics are actually what appeal the most. It’s hauntingly acute in its perception, touching on a pondersome thought:

’cause if you’re not really here
then the stars don’t even matter

All those stars, that vast endless reaching sky… What is the point of this whole world if God ain’t in it?

i looked up into the grey sky
and see a thousand eyes staring back
and all around these golden beacons
i see nothing but black

i feel a way of something beyond them
i don’t see what i can feel
if vision is the only validation
then most of my life isn’t real

The chorus line keeps repeating “black and gold”, constantly challenging that the stars can’t be just lights (gold) in the sky (black). Is there something beyond the stars? You betcha. It’s no wonder the song got stuck in my head..

… and still alive.

It is odd to consider that it was 5 years ago to the day that life changed forever.

I said goodbye to my old home, said goodbye to my brother, said goodbye to my mother - and said hello to growing up. I sometimes wonder what life would have been like if things had not changed, if we’d all been able to stay together… then shake my head and realise there is no point to wondering such things. I’m happy now, and had the chain of events of that many years not begun, I may not be where I am now.

Still, there is some sense of wistfulness at the whole matter.

What if, what if, what if…

I’ve earmarked for the future, to visit my old home and to see what has become of it. So much of it was the product of my dad’s creativity - the landscaping, decking, the odd arrangement of the home, the structures for the basketball ring, the synthetic grass, the toolshed, the mango groves, the plantations.. and so much more. What would another family do with all of this? Continue it, or replace it? I wonder..

Oh well, if anyone is interested in a visit, let me know

No really, who does? That was the whole idea of the Holy Grail, featured in many quality films such as Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade; the pursuit of an alleged fountain of youth - which Indy drank, and leaves me very curious for how young he will be in the latest film. Ofcourse, outside of film, the yearning for such things is well documented in the annals of many cultures… but I often wonder: why?

It’s a scary notion when you account for all your loved ones passing away whilst you simply age… actually, that is quite sad.

Arwen explored the issue, and chose “the mortal life”…What I’d prefer is, living longer, but also, for everyone else around me to live longer too! So the question is, how do we do it? Somewhat fortunately, quality tabloid scientists invaded afternoon radio today to provide some suggestions:

• - Flossing daily can add 4 years
• - Keeping a journal can add 3 years
• - Sleeping 7 hours a day at minimum can add another year
• - A satisfying sex life can add another year (although the researcher in question thought it’d add more!)

So there are some interesting things that we could add possibly add in order to increase the length of life for nearly another decade. Now considering life expectancy here in Australia at the moment is about 78 for males, and 83 for females (ouch!), an extra 9 years could for me be the difference between 78 and 87. Alternatively, I could fall prey to dyslexia and I might not need the 9 years.

On a related note, Kellie (who’s birthday it is today - happy birfday! ) brought my attention to the story of someone else who recently celebrated a 109th birthday party. Yes, 109. How’d he get to that age? He must have had some secret right… and just like I’m trying to now, he shared it with a few people didn’t he?

Mr Ross’s eldest sister died two years ago at 99, and his two other sisters are aged 101 and 94.

Yep, he shared the secret with his closest siblings. Whatever this secret was, it must have been amazing - at 109, he was actually born in the 19th century (!)… meaning his life expectancy can’t have been the 78 we enjoy for Australian males today. In fact, according to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, life expectancy of males born at the turn of the 20th century was 55.

Whoa.

That means he has nearly doubled his life expectancy, adding (at the moment, touch wood) 54 years on!

But what was the secret? It was right at the start…

AUSTRALIA’S last surviving World War I soldier, Jack Ross, turned 109 today surrounded by his extended family and friends at a nursing home in Victoria.

To mark the occasion, the non-drinker and non-smoker indulged in his one vice - chocolate, and lots of it.

There you have it, chocalata really is the elixir of youth Better than flossing, sleep or sex, chocolate could add a staggering 54 years onto your life - so why don’t you just go ahead and reach for some now?

Malesy sent this to my inbox a while back, and it really got me thinking… it’s basically a view of what people in different countries and situations eat in a week.

Italy : The Manzo family of Sicily
Food expenditure for one week: $260.11

Germany : The Melander family of Bargteheide
Food expenditure for one week: $500.07

United States : The Revis family of North Carolina
Food expenditure for one week $341.98

Mexico : The Casales family of Cuernavaca Food expenditure for one week: $189.09

Poland : The Sobczynscy family of Konstancin-Jeziorna
Food expenditure for one week: $151.27

Egypt : The Ahmed family of Cairo
Food expenditure for one week: $68.53

Ecuador : The Ayme family of Tingo
Food expenditure for one week: $31.55

Bhutan : The Namgay family of Shingkhey Village
Food expenditure for one week: $5.03

Chad : The Aboubakar family of Breidjing Camp
Food expenditure for one week: $1.23

What do you eat in a week? I suddenly feel a lot more grateful for what I have…

A ponderable thought of late, is the heightened activity of the accomplice of my arch-nemesis. Those who aren’t acquainted with the villain of my tale, fear not; it lurks in many places, with many names, and often wearing different coloured hats. This latest hat is one of my most feared.

The above picture is not in fact, the aforementioned foe, but where the dish and spoon are going, is a bit closer to the mark. The past few months, (and the ensuing ones) seem to be constantly filled with this single word, ‘goodbye’. It is a strange word, evoking a myriad of emotions and thoughts, yet, is synonymous with my ubiquitous adversary. You cannot have this thought of farewell without being forced to trace it to its evil root.

So where do people go? Some have left work; some have left the country. Some have left my church, and some have simply left life… all, however, leave a growing sadness in their wake. Whilst it seems like a lot, it is still almost surprising that there aren’t more people leaving one place or another, with the many branches we choose to follow each day. Opportunity to try something different, to go somewhere new, to be someone else… this opportunity confronts individuals on a daily basis. We wake up and decide if we still want to live the same life we always did, or if we want to do something different.

Is it really so easy? I’d like to hope not, but judging by the mass exodus of people from my life this year, maybe it is. Some friends I now only see at farewells; such is the regularity of our mutual friends departing for a foreign continent, seeking fun and adventure amongst people who steadfastly believe that we ride kangaroos to work/school.

I don’t even know how I am meant to feel when saying goodbye. An underlying emotion is always loss. Moments that have not yet had the chance to develop into actuality, conversations that might have been, memories that had not been made — all of these burst in the bubble of a goodbye. The question of “could there ever have been more?” invariably arises, since it is in that second, that finite nature of time is felt in its truest sense. For some people, we have only fleeting moments before they fly away. How can we ever be sure that all that was, was all that was meant to be? I wonder if I will ever see you again. Lenny had it right.

Amidst these lugubrious thoughts rise that expectation of how one is meant to be feeling:

Elation at changing one’s place of employment. Excitement with a trip overseas. Encouragement for supporting another congregation. Empathy with the passing of a loved one. A lot of E’s there, but not the ones I want. Everlasting. Eternal. Enduring.

Somehow though, this is life. This is the life we live in, where people often enter through one door and then exit stage left. Growing accustomed to this process is part of growing up, possibly one of the keynote aspects in fact. Perhaps that is why I never have really grown up; somethings, I just can’t accept yet.

Closing thought; something I first read when I was about 6, from a tiny scroll purporting to contain the meaning of life (i.e. a fortune cookie from a Chinese restaurant):

Growing old is mandatory,
Growing up is optional

So true.

I saw Pursuit of Happyness last night, a movie which has interested me and bugged me at the same time. Interested as the pursuit (and attainment) of being happy is one greatly aligned with my life. Bugged because that spelling is a bit jarring.

So, witnessing Will Smith’s character, Chris Gardner, taking the time to point out the bad spelling within the first few minutes of the film was definitely a great way to begin it. Witnessing the hardships of Chris as he struggled to make ends meet and find a place for his son to lay his head at night, was not as easy. In some ways, it was shocking to see an individual placed in a position he could not control, and to contemplate that life could deal anyone a similar hand. However in other ways, it was also inspiring to see that struggle resolved in a positive fashion, one that does brand hope in my eyes.

Sure — it is Hollywood — some of these events took place across a period of time etc. But the biggest part of it, the parts that were real — the implacable determination to be there for his son, the indomitable will to succeed and an almost inexorable passion for doing what he wanted and not being held back. Perhaps it is this fiery intensity that at times scared me the most about Will’s portrayal of Chris, to see what an individual would do to see his dream realised.

How many people have that kind of fervor for their goals? I’d say many people at times, have that passion… just often, those times don’t align with times they can act upon them. But how many people have the gifts he had — the fine-tuned mind for numbers and his speedsolving with a Rubix cube garnered attention from the people who had the power to grant him what he wanted. Call me crazy, but I think everyone’s got a talent somewhere. It might not make a movie, but it’s there, whether we call it that or not.

I thought Jaden Christopher Syre Smith (above) was awesome. Adorable, yet, such an amazing performance. He may well challenge Bindi for the “8 year old entertainer’s awards” with his portrayal of Chris’ son.

It was great that the real Chris Gardner had a cameo in the film; a bit reminiscent of the recent Starsky and Hutch remake, when the older and newer duos met.

All in all, a good film it was, with a fresh bite of what reality can be like at times. It’s not really a tear-jerker, but can be a little shocking in some parts. There are inspirational moments, but perhaps the fact that most of these events really happened to someone, is what hits home the most.

If there’s one thing to take away from the film, it should be this:

You got a dream, you gotta protect it. People can’t do something themselves, they wanna tell you that you can’t do it. You want something? Go get it. Period.

Go watch it

Someone wise once said the grass is always greener on the other side, and whilst listening to one of my favourite older songs — Nik Kershaw’s Wouldn’t it be good, it really hit home just how wrong that could be.

The song addresses the idea of wondering what lies over someone else’s fence — Wouldn’t it be good to be in your shoes? The common concept of “wishing you were in someone else’s shoes” is answered emphatically in the negatory. The idea being, whilst surely, there are individuals whom we aspire to share moccasins with, do we really know everything that goes on in their life? How truly can you know the life of another, and fully understand the problems they face?

All we can do is look at how our life would fare, if placed within a certain circumstance. True enough, there is a Simpsons quote to sum up some of this:

Lisa: It’s horrible being young, nobody listens to me.
Grandpa: It’s rotten being old, nobody listens to me.
Homer: I’m an average white male aged 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are!

I remember being younger and wishing I never grew up. However, I also remember many peers wished they could be older so that they could do all the things that adults did — namely, partying, drinking, working etc. Yet just today at work, two of my colleagues referenced their age, citing they wished they were younger for improved fitness and better memory. Does anyone really know what they want? Young people wishing they were older. Older people wishing they were younger.

As a student, I wished I had graduated so that I didn’t have to do assignments and study for exams, and had the freedom and money to go out and spend time with friends. As a member of the working class, I wish I had the 3 month summer break of a student, and the opportunities to see and meet more people than ever. Do I really know what I want? Wishing I was as free as an employee when busy as a student, wishing I was free as a student when busy as an employee. Interestingly enough, thinking about being a student also helps remind me of the good of the current situation… and in retrospect, thinking about being an employee would have helped me get through as a student, as it would have also reminded me of the good of being in that environment. But, how did we even get this way?

Being discontent with life seems to always lead down this path — the path of looking at another path and wishing it were your own. The logical solution would be to ‘be content’, to find satisfaction with what we have and let that be that. But that squashes dreams, it inhibits ambition and creates a ceiling that can be difficult to pierce. Somehow, a balance between our desire to do great things with our life, and satisfaction with life’s circumstances, must be reached. That way, our dreams can be realised, and at the same time, we aren’t stuck wishing we were in another person’s shoes.

Finding such a line could consume a life, so in the meantime, it may be worthwhile just to remember two things:

1. If you forget what is good about your current situation, just begin thinking about what situation you want to be in. Then… in that thinking… you’ll be discontent with something — something that was good in your original situation. There you have it! Something good about your current circumstance

2. We never really know what is going on in another person’s life. Nik Kershaw describes it in his song as follows:

You must be joking
You don’t know a thing about it
You’ve got no problem
I’d stay right there if it were you
I got it harder
You couldn’t dream how hard it got it
Stay out of my shoes
If you know what’s good for you
The heat is stifling
Burning me up from the inside
The sweat is coming through each and every pore
Don’t wanna be here no more

We just don’t know sometimes. Maybe that wise guy got it wrong… maybe the saying should go, The grass is always greener… on our side. At least we know what is going on in our life

No, not another sorting quiz! Oh yes, and this one is seemingly more meaningful than the others, and actually looks at hypothetical situations (which one day, you might just experience, hypothetically speaking) to challenge you with.

Meaningful quiz
Here were my results:

Hufflepuff - 17
Ravenclaw - 13
Gryffindor - 10
Slytherin - 5

I had seen this link on another forum, and most interestingly, there were many people who were high in Gryffindor/Slytherin, but only one other person who had a similar distribution to me — none other than Ivor!

I’m not sure what exactly this says about the people that frequent that forum, or just the kind of person who I’m drawn to as a friend. According to HP literature and the site, Hufflepuffs are all about loyalty before anything else, which I see as a great way to approach life — our loyalty to friends should be a driving force in many of our decision making processes… Unfortunately, this does not appear to happen enough these days, and in one form or another, is one of the main reasons friendships break apart.

There are two questions commonly asked of me around this time of the year:

1. Fradam, how did you get so tall!?

2. Fradam, why don’t you celebrate Christmas like everyone else?

The answer to at least one of these questions is simple: drink lots of milk.

The other question however, is vastly more complex, primarily arising from most people being aware that I am a Christian, yet don’t seem too big on what many suppose to be the biggest Christian celebration around. But how Christian is Christmas? On a purely aesthetic level, yes, they share many of the same letters, but it is a bit more than that

As a Christian, I believe in what is in the Bible: which Christmas is not. Surprised? I hope not! Christmas is an amalgamation of many different cultures’ celebrations: Saturnalia, Sol Invictus, Yule, mid-winter night and the winter solstice. Between these, glory was given to the Roman Gods Saturn and Sol, the Syrian God Elah-Gabal, the Persian God Mithras and the Norse Gods Thor and Odin. It’s promotion into the Christian world was fuelled by Catholicism and the merging of pagan practices into less pagan equivalents. This is not particularly new knowledge — there was a lot of rioting and fighting about this in England and the US in the past few hundred years.

Ofcourse, that is what Christmas is technically defined to have originated from, but is that what Christmas is? Many would argue that Christmas is what you make of it, and that it means whatever you want it to mean — it can be a religious thing, it can be a secular thing, it can be a family thing, it can be a communal thing. Not everyone celebrates it the same way, and yet all are valid, right?

With my family, we take advantage of the fact that nobody is at work and can actually spend a degree of time with each other. It is not a religious acknowledgement of Christ’s supposed birth day. There’s rarely a tree. No candy cane, or stockings. It is simply time spent with those closest, those that are loved the most, with the joy of giving. Is that a form of Christmas? Well… considering the above thoughts, I suppose it is. Might not be the same as everyone, but it’s something

So on that note: Merry Christmas everyone!

As mentioned earlier, I am trying to record things that are on my mind, and what is important to me at this stage of my life. Ranking right up there, is the idea of happiness; the people around me being happy, and me in turn being happy also. So, what follows is a piece of my brain, kinda speaking to itself. Feel free to listen though, might learn something useful!

There are two things that people generally observe about me when meeting me.

1. I am tall.

2. I am smiling.

I smile because I’m happy (extra smiley faces added for dramatic effect). Why is the man in this picture smiling? Because he’s happy! Okay, so we’ve established that happiness is an important part of my life… but where does it originate?

In the people around me. It is an indelible fact that non-hermits are influenced by the world around us. Possibly hermits too in fact, but I haven’t undertaken any scientific research to test that theory yet. As we are all influenced by the events in the world around us, so, the happiness around us can in fact rouse similar emotions within us. So, I draw my happiness from those around me… it’s a pretty neat trick isn’t it? Not really — you probably do it too already. If you’ve got a friend who’s happy about something, you tend to feel a bit happier for them, right?
It is this principle which guides many if not most actions I take in life. The extent to which I influence others in their pursuit of happiness is contingent on the happiness I exude. Or to put it more succinctly: if I’m happy, those around me can be encouraged to be happy too.

This sounds all great in theory, but what about practice? If I was constantly happy, you might call me any/all of the following: delusional, insane, raving mad, nutty, senseless etc. No, it is a little something else… it is not quite consensus reality, but it is close. It is simply, optimism. Being hopeful, and looking for the bright side of the road. It is not about being silly, but about practical, realistic, optimism. It is possible, trust me!

So, if you’re still with me to this point, here is what we have established:

1. I am tall.

2. I am smiling.

3. My smiling is caused by happiness which is reflected off those around me and is in turn partially dependant upon the happiness that I emanate.

4. I am not insane.

Okay, that last bit might be a bit to swallow. But if we’re simply positive about the world, and optimistic about what the next day might bring, do we really know what we can do?

A classic example is public transport. I’m not sure how often we really think about it, but the drivers in our transport system can be quite pushed at times. They cop the flack of late night drunkards, have to try to be civil when on the job and generally don’t get much recognition from the people they see the most: their passengers. I make an effort as I disembark to thank the driver, and as I often use the rear exit, and am not soft-spoken, the words are reasonably audible to most people in the bus and surrounding suburbs. Nearly every time, it sparks a chain-reaction of many commuters suddenly remembering their manners and choosing to thank the driver.

What we have now is a happy driver who will go along their next bus route, all happy and cheery at the chorus of gratitude that was received at the close of their previous route. And then what? Just by their nature of being happy, they in turn affect their passengers who get on, with a friendly attitude and a smiling face. Bang, a chain reaction has been caused.

It is honestly that simple. If we look at the brighter side of the road, and remain optimistic, we are given real opportunity to affect the world around us, and in turn, feel happy at what we’ve done.

To close, I might just cite another example. A colleague at work the other day was not at his cheeriest best, and I was being optimistic about the situation. He admitted later, he was almost irritated at my attitude, but in a few days time, was feeling optimistic as well, saying “If you can’t beat em, join em!”

So, there you have it, the challenge is to go out and spread the happiness. Be optimistic in life, share your enthusiasm for the bright side of the road, and in turn, you can make a real difference in some lives. Sound a bit cliched? Not cliched enough? Well, take a look at this motivational image then!

Reach for the sky! … now that is cliched

But being happy/optimistic, never will be.