Fradam

Someone wise once said the grass is always greener on the other side, and whilst listening to one of my favourite older songs — Nik Kershaw’s Wouldn’t it be good, it really hit home just how wrong that could be.

The song addresses the idea of wondering what lies over someone else’s fence — Wouldn’t it be good to be in your shoes? The common concept of “wishing you were in someone else’s shoes” is answered emphatically in the negatory. The idea being, whilst surely, there are individuals whom we aspire to share moccasins with, do we really know everything that goes on in their life? How truly can you know the life of another, and fully understand the problems they face?

All we can do is look at how our life would fare, if placed within a certain circumstance. True enough, there is a Simpsons quote to sum up some of this:

Lisa: It’s horrible being young, nobody listens to me.
Grandpa: It’s rotten being old, nobody listens to me.
Homer: I’m an average white male aged 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are!

I remember being younger and wishing I never grew up. However, I also remember many peers wished they could be older so that they could do all the things that adults did — namely, partying, drinking, working etc. Yet just today at work, two of my colleagues referenced their age, citing they wished they were younger for improved fitness and better memory. Does anyone really know what they want? Young people wishing they were older. Older people wishing they were younger.

As a student, I wished I had graduated so that I didn’t have to do assignments and study for exams, and had the freedom and money to go out and spend time with friends. As a member of the working class, I wish I had the 3 month summer break of a student, and the opportunities to see and meet more people than ever. Do I really know what I want? Wishing I was as free as an employee when busy as a student, wishing I was free as a student when busy as an employee. Interestingly enough, thinking about being a student also helps remind me of the good of the current situation… and in retrospect, thinking about being an employee would have helped me get through as a student, as it would have also reminded me of the good of being in that environment. But, how did we even get this way?

Being discontent with life seems to always lead down this path — the path of looking at another path and wishing it were your own. The logical solution would be to ‘be content’, to find satisfaction with what we have and let that be that. But that squashes dreams, it inhibits ambition and creates a ceiling that can be difficult to pierce. Somehow, a balance between our desire to do great things with our life, and satisfaction with life’s circumstances, must be reached. That way, our dreams can be realised, and at the same time, we aren’t stuck wishing we were in another person’s shoes.

Finding such a line could consume a life, so in the meantime, it may be worthwhile just to remember two things:

1. If you forget what is good about your current situation, just begin thinking about what situation you want to be in. Then… in that thinking… you’ll be discontent with something — something that was good in your original situation. There you have it! Something good about your current circumstance

2. We never really know what is going on in another person’s life. Nik Kershaw describes it in his song as follows:

You must be joking
You don’t know a thing about it
You’ve got no problem
I’d stay right there if it were you
I got it harder
You couldn’t dream how hard it got it
Stay out of my shoes
If you know what’s good for you
The heat is stifling
Burning me up from the inside
The sweat is coming through each and every pore
Don’t wanna be here no more

We just don’t know sometimes. Maybe that wise guy got it wrong… maybe the saying should go, The grass is always greener… on our side. At least we know what is going on in our life