11 reasons why paintball is better than watching paint dry
UPDATED 19/5: See below #10!
My friend Josh recently held a bucks party at Action Paintball, one of the larger paintball fields in the Rouse Hill area. With only one prior paintball experience under my belt, I was keen to see if the experience would be any different… and with a buck on the loose, it would be likely that a slow + large target like myself would not be the main target, especially with Josh’s target sign. Yes, that lovely lady is his bride to be, whom he would have to defend for the day.
On one particular map, where I essentially had to stay alive to win (i.e. was quite hidden and keeping a wary eye out for those who hunted me), it occurred to me that one of lifes many mysteries suddenly lay bare and solved for me (and hence, the rest of the world), to see: Paintball really is a lot better than watching paint dry. Here’s why:
1. Accoutrement: people don’t usually dress up to watch paint dry.
2. Creativity: in paintball, there is some leeway for expression; you can paint people, trees and other random objects with a myriad of colours. Watching the paint dry presents little to no opportunity to engage in such artistry.
3. Physical health: the fumes of paint can cause greater problems (headaches, nausea, dizziness, and fatigue) than paintball (red welts)
4. Patience: waiting for an expected opponent to come by a well-laid trap is a greater test of patience than watching paint dry.
5. Pragmatism: paintball can teach the realities of life (e.g. people who shoot you in the head once may well shoot you six more times before they realise! *cough* Scotty *cough*) in a far more effective way than watching paint dry (e.g. that paint dries) can.
6. Ocular benefits: watching paint dry can cause eye strain, whereas in paintball, your eyes are well protected.
7. Independence: whilst watching the paint dry will inevitably cause your demise via the aforementioned health effects (see #3), paintball grants you the power to be the master of your own destiny, i.e. kill or be killed.
8. Survival of your progeny: whilst no published studies have been undertaken, watching the paint dry whilst pregnant could cause malformations or miscarriage, whereas with
standard precautions paintball is a much better route to a happy and healthy child.
9. Economic: professional paintball can pay better than watching paint dry.
10. Fun: the last albeit most important one, yet is also the most subjective one! Having experimented with both, I found paintball better for fun purposes than watching paint dry. I will be willing to concede others may disagree.
UPDATED 19/5: I was granted permission to mention another reason that I was going to have on this list:
11. Love: Whilst watching paint dry may not present the greatest opportunity for a casual affection to develop into more, something about fighting shoulder-to-shoulder with another seems to bring people together, such that one of our participants *cough* Andi *cough* ended up spending most of his day chatting up a girl who chose to celebrate her 21st there! Who knows what future opportunities may bring 
So, there you have it, 10 11 simple reasons why paintball is better than watching paint dry. Tune in next week when we look at more of lifes mysteries, like why apples really are better than oranges.
bucks party, games, josh and megan, paintball, shooting, watching paint dry, wedding Find similar posts: games
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May 16th, 2007 at 10:27 pm
Umm point 8 seems a little obscure, even for you!
May 16th, 2007 at 11:15 pm
w00t for paintball! I trust you didnt go down as quickly during the first skirmish of the day, as you did when we went to paintball the first time? With your experience, I imagine it was YOU taking people down
May 17th, 2007 at 12:03 am
Man that freezing your sperm thing.. That’s pretty cool. Although I can’t be sure I’d trust a 20 year old batch of sperm, that’s just weird. Really weird. Oh and paintball… cooooool. I’ve never been!
Glad you had fun 
May 17th, 2007 at 7:05 am
@Vertigo: some people are very concerned about whether they will be the parent of a happy and healthy child…
@Eeeegor: Hahahaha, I remember that. Your headshot of me was the first hit of that day. No, it wasn’t quite that bad — there were a few maps where there was carnage, and a few which were quieter.
@Eystia: Yeah, I’m not sure how long you can really trust it for .. I don’t really know the numbers, but I’m uncertain what the chance of conception is 20 years onward.
Yey for paintball though! We ought to try and get another group out there
May 18th, 2007 at 11:28 am
You well and truely lost me at the “paintball is a much better route to a happy and healthy child.”.. a very disturbing image of a bunch of guys getting fun out of aiming and shooting, paint or otherwise, at a woman’s growing fat belly is very wrong (to me).
And to think you almost convinced me that a sport essentially involving play-acting of a very serious world issue (guns! war! shootings! BAD!) wasn’t so bad afterall. I still don’t think running around trying to shoot people with anything
in any form is something appropriate for ‘fun’ and YES I’m being a serious crankypants but thats still gonna remain my view regardless.
May 18th, 2007 at 6:53 pm
Yes, it most certainly is more of a guy thing. However, the nature of humans has been pointed out in literature (fiction and non-fiction alike) as a savage and violent species. It can also be said that we are in the stage between being aggression and … non-aggression. The violent instincts are still present from our early days in the evolutionary train, but partly torn between some undefined quality we call ‘human rights’. We all aim to form a peace between each other at a high level, yet negotiations and understanding hasnt developed enough to be able to solve problems without resorting to this urge to win by fighting.
All that crap aside, paintball is fun. While it isnt completely harmless, it is a safe sport. Been a couple of times and really looking forward to going many times more. Its one of those things where you get to try out things you havent done before. Do you hide and wait for the enemy to come to you where you are relatively safe. Do you try to have long and often unsuccessful shots at each other from range, or do you risk your participation in the scenario by running out and going gun-ho putting some fear and panic in the opposition.
As for play acting something very serious, Kell, i dont think you are thinking about it right. All that ethics must really be getting to you. Wars are serious because they are fuelled by conflicting views, actual hate for the other side, etc. Paintball is emmulating a combat situation. There is no conflict at hand, no difference of opinions, no hate. Just a bunch of randoms, or the other half of a large group of friends, on the other team. Why are you trying to shoot them? Because you want to get a rush out of the experience!
Why do people bungy jump? Not to practice committing suicide by jumping off a cliff or bridge, but for the adrenalin rush. A unique experience of freefall close towards solid ground, yet perfectly safe from any harm.
May 18th, 2007 at 6:53 pm
ps - PAINTBALL IS AWESOME!
May 18th, 2007 at 9:10 pm
*yawn* RELATIVELY safe from PHYSICAL harm yet somehow encouraging the ‘instinctual’ underlying psyche of aggressive tactics.. hunt or be hunted.. thrill of the chase, all that is what makes it ‘fun’ for ya… and I’m not saying I wouldn’t see some ‘fun’ in it but unfortunately my 5th year of ethical training and painfully high moral grounds prevents me from freely agreeing with such activity.
I’d love to talk to more people with real combat experience, or even the cops about this, the REAL hunt/chase situation has been regularly seen to cause post-traumatic, life-long stresses, so its not really fair to say we are a naturally violent and aggressive species anymore, or should gain entertainment from emulating it.
When i hold a gun in my possession as a figure of authority, I will pray to God no colleague of mine is beside me due to any desire to gain a ‘rush’… Your forcing my hand in drawing such long conclusions, but its not as clear cut as ’shooting for fun’ and ’shooting for real’ they are never going to be completely different concepts.. Someone can show me otherwise, Im not closed to the idea, but so far I cant see how they can be seperated entirely. Why do you think the world is so bothered now by kids playing with the toy guns we used to see as harmless when we were 7?
Oh, and its the mental interpretation of certain events your enjoying surely, not the physical pain (cmon we’ve all seen the welts), other wise id be diagnosing you all with some serious masochistic disorders - so why is it relevant to say its ’safe’ and harmless sport’ coz it doesnt make everyone say ouch.
- the one willing to stand entirely alone on this point! (but forever looking for another who agrees)
PS - Painting is teh awesome. Peace out!
May 19th, 2007 at 9:12 am
ahh! it was worth it!
May 19th, 2007 at 9:20 am
@Kellie: I’m not sure what called up that disturbing image of guys pointing the paintball markers at a growing woman’s belly… but I certainly didn’t mean to paint that kinda picture.
That point was meant to contrast the health problems associated with paint fumes and pregnancy (which as yet, are still unconfirmed), with the potential damage that can occur to a male as a result of paintball, and what kind of insurance would need to be taken out.
On the male/female front — we got there at about 810, so we saw all the ‘full day’ people playing, and the ratio of guys to girls was perhaps 3:2? It’s not quite as one-sided on the gender front as you may think. Still more guys I think, but it was close. There was an all girls party there that was on the field the same time as us (see point #11 for more details
), and from what the people running the place say, it’s usually close to even in numbers.
@Woodmaeng: This phrase… just made me laugh:
It can also be said that we are in the stage between being aggression and … non-aggression
I tend to agree with part of what you’re saying about the reasons for deriving enjoyment from the game. There is a huge difference between the reasons people go to war, than to the reasons to take to a paintball field.
@Kellie: You’re right that paintball does encourage the very same aggressive instincts that Woody alluded to earlier. But what one chooses to do with those instincts still is a choice to be made. Some people will respond in a wild burst of energy and attempt to do all the things they see in the movies. Others will just enjoy a day in the sun and run about.
I’m sure before anyone gets to a position of authority with a weapon, they would be screened for personality traits that would be indicative of ‘getting a rush’ from holding a weapon.
As for the difference between ’shooting for fun’ and ’shooting for real’… well, that might not be a point I can put across with any real integrity as my experience in both areas are quite limited (well, non-existent in one, and not much in the other). What I will say is, they did not at any point refer to them as ‘guns’. So much so that I just scrolled up to the top of this reply to see whether I called them ‘guns’, and I didn’t — I used the word they described them as — ‘markers’. Whether that means I’m just easily brainwashed, or they simply did a good job of impressing certain word choices upon their users, I’ll leave up to you :p They stressed the safety as being the most important thing on the day, reminding us that the overall goal was to have fun, and whilst it might be normal to have a few bruises, they didn’t want anyone to be leaving with cuts and the like.
On a related note, and with reference to paintball being safe/harmless - I think the meaning of describing paintball as ’safe’ sport (wouldn’t consider it harmless), is that many people can play it without getting too badly hurt, since there are reasonably strict rules about how far you have to be before you can take a shot, keeping certain protective equipment on etc. When an unsafe practice occurs, the organisers come down hard on it.. as a result, in the few experiences I’ve had with paintball, it’s usually only a few people that get the really ugly welts.
@Andi: Let me know if you run into her again
May 19th, 2007 at 9:26 am
‘High Moral Standards’ erm i take it you only watch G and PG movies?
May 19th, 2007 at 10:11 am
I think it was more like 7 bullets than 6 before i realised… When i realised it was you i was like Ooops My Bad.
Good Times Great Classic Hits. Glad to see you had your game on.
May 19th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
yes, I only watch Disney, and I’m even highly offended by their underhanded puns on occasion.
May 19th, 2007 at 6:26 pm
ON that note.. OMG PIRATES in 4 days!
May 19th, 2007 at 11:33 pm
@Scotty: Careful, or I’ll summon Elemental Hero Avion on you :p GET YOUR GAME ON!
@Kellie: WOOOO!!! 4 days
:D
May 20th, 2007 at 11:52 am
meh, paintballing is fun.. not harmless as sometimes some hurts do occour.. but on the whole, fun. its not war, but, its close, and it makes you think about why we have wars and those that fight them for a living… every time you get hit by a paintball.. it could have been a bullet and thats your life. just think about it sometime.
Kellie, meh, stop over analyzing (or at least, thats how it sounds, feel free to send frads after me to correct the mistake), and just learn to enjoy some things. part of human nature is free will, and as long as there is free will, there will be conflict. yes, we can “manage” these conflicts better, but sometimes a fist fight followed by a few beers does a friendship good. (and now im no longer sure what point i was trying to make.. sigh.. stupid forgetfull brain…)
as for pirates… how is it 4 days when it comes out on the 25th and its currently the 19th? or is this some weird australian conspiracy in action?
May 20th, 2007 at 3:39 pm
conspiracy.. it comes out here first because we’re lucky, n Frads n I are going to a preview premiere screening, coz we’re even luckier. I have been accused of not enjoying life very often (you stole my word that sums that up - MEH), so ill cop that one on the chin, but in the case of the paintball debate it was more an argument meant to be taken in jest for the sake of me wanting a fight… that and I was practising my ethical decision making because im procrastinating from doing the real thing in an assignment. FUN! not.
A first fight followed by a few beers does a friendship good.. I could take the bait there.. but ill just say Im glad Im not a bloke then.
:p
May 21st, 2007 at 2:25 pm
lol, the point of the saying is to forgive and forget, dragging conflicts on longer just breeds more problems than they solve.. esp some of those stupid petty grudges that people have… but i digress.
btw, procrastination is fun, esp when you have a fradam involved.. shame fradam doesnt do much anymore…
May 22nd, 2007 at 7:40 am
@Khan: I still try and procrastinate! It just happens usually whilst you’re asleep now :p
Yes, we’re quite lucky and get to see Pirates before most of the world does… huzzah for being east of GMT!
You should come join us!
@Kellie: ONE DAY TO GO!!!
May 22nd, 2007 at 10:53 am
well, i think that there are thursday night previews.. but meh, cant be buggered to go watch it midnight thursday.. plus i have better things to do, the weekly dinner out with friends.
as for procrastination… you really should spend more time on EST and being able to chat… philisophical debates are few and far between these days.
as for the movie… please do a good report on it, dunu if im gonna go see it this weekend (probably gonna be busy just because its opening weekend), so yeah, some trustable reviews will be nice
May 22nd, 2007 at 11:35 pm
Haha. Well, this is on Wednesday evening, before even dinner time!
So quite convenient actually. I know of the midnight ones you mean though, I thought this might have been one at first before I had the details.
I can’t really do EST anymore sadly … work tends to get in the way. One day, who knows, there will be time for philosophical debates again
Alternatively, you could stay up for AEST! 
Yeah, no doubt I’ll have something to say about the movie, but will have to be careful not to include any spoilers! (thats going to be hard….!)
May 23rd, 2007 at 11:29 pm
[…] So, the day of reckoning finally arrived, and the third, but possibly not final installment of Pirates. In case it wasn’t clear, these tickets were obtained as a result of winning a Mix106.5 competition, and resulted in Kellie and I seeing Pirates 3 quite early! Seeing the movie before most people saw it has its advantages — nobody else can ruin the story for you. But, writing about it becomes problematic as nobody else has seen it! ;o […]